It’s been six years since Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade welcomed their daughter Kaavia, but even after all this time, their surrogacy journey still doesn’t sit right with the actress.

In a recent interview with Marie Claire for their first-ever Motherhood issue, Union opened up about her mindset when she had to turn to surrogacy to have her daughter Kaavia.

“But for me, it felt like failure. My body failed,” she said of her surrogacy journey. “It just felt like such a f***ing public humiliation. Surrogacy felt like a cuckold; watching somebody do something that I can’t do.”

The Being Mary Jane star continued: “To be there for somebody else succeeding where I failed — it’s a mind f**k for people who have had my journey and who feel similarly. When it’s never been your reality, I get the urge to judge and cast aspersions because we all want whatever route we took to be the ‘right’ way.”

Even though the star is grateful to her surrogate, she still maintains that she’ll “never” have peace with not being able to carry her own child.

“I’ll never have peace with it, ever. And that’s not a what-anybody-has-to-say thing; that’s just — my yearning has never dissipated,” Union admits. “I was so ready for my surprise, but all the prayers that didn’t get answered in the way that I thought made me more conscientious that my child is here.”

“I’m very grateful to our gestational caregiver, though,” she continued. “It’s just one of those things where it’s such a personal journey that I may never know full peace with my coulda, woulda, shouldas.”

At the Met Gala on Monday, the actress spoke with PEOPLE about her and her husband feeling “scared” about the NBA star’s daughter Zaya, 17, leaving for college in the fall. Luckily, until that time comes, Kaavia has been able to get in some extra time with her sister since the two are at the same school for the first time this year.

“It’s funny because Zaya’s a senior and [Kaavia’s] in kindergarten at the same school,” Union shared. “And so during Kaav’s lunch, Zaya comes and hangs out with Kaav. And this is really special that they’re at the same school, at least for one year.”

The post Gabrielle Union Says ‘Surrogacy Felt Like A Cuckold’ After Having Daughter Kaavia: ‘I’ll Never Have Peace With It’ appeared first on Bossip.